Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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