I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
