I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
