mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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