he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
