i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
