God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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