ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
