You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
