Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
