Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She's JV to your varsity
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
