Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
