dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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