you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
