We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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