i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
