just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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