my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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