I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
