he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need a beard to bite.
there is glitter all over my balls
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
