she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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