Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
