he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
