He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
