I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
