dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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