i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
