didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
