new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
