I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
