I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
