this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
