I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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