I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
