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After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
