I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
