Are we in a gay sports bar?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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