I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
