I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
