glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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