I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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