I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
