My brain says no but my pants say off.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
