R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
