you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
