We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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