fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize