he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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