just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
