walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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