doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was CRYING into my vagina
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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