kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
