The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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