Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Everclear isn't food dammit
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
